I can't I won't I will- Me feeling a bit bleak and venting in angsty poetry, Daphne

So I haven't really blogged lately, or had any motivation and have felt really happy then really down on a bit of a yo-yo spectrum of late. I wrote this, please don't hate me for writing a poem. I was sad. Poor me. Wallow.  

I can't I won't I will

I like you more but you make me cry

The salty ocean from my eyes

I break the words one by one

Every meaning and undertone

The syllables slide like oily pain

Around the pan I cook in vain

I can't I won't I will

The empty jar of sound

Where once my voice was found

I set it free to wrap your head

But it's lying on the floor instead

Here I am patchwork face

Holding onto a secret place

I can't I won't I will

The Sunday morning dreams

Were just inferior hymns

Praising a non existent feeling

Subtle pain that looked like healing

Every day I need you more

But I can't stop standing by the door

I can't I won't I will

Hannah I miss you too. 

Daphne

New Life Mentality. OWN YOUR INSECURITIES

The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets

Pandora's Box, she literally couldn't keep her trap shut.

I have always been a collector of secrets. It sounds a little weird, but I get a bit of a thrill hearing and keeping secrets, when I was at high school I sat next to someone who, like me really enjoyed collecting secrets, in fact sometimes we used to trade, and barter. I feel pretty guilty for that now, but they never got any further than us. I just liked looking at people and thinking 'I know......'I guess it made me feel like gossip girl or something. I think part of it was that people seem to actually like telling me secrets, I used to sit next to people and they would just pour their heart out to me, I think it's because I'm not very 'threatening' looking, or memorable, I've been told I've got a very trusting face too, which comes in handy. I have the opposite problem, I am actually quite good at keeping secrets but people just assume that I won't be able to keep anything to myself. Granted this is probably because I can't keep my own secrets, I am an open book. But when it comes to confidential things other people tell me it rarely goes further than Dorothy (best friend prerogative). 

However, recently I did something wrong. I told. One key thing that a proud secret keeper should never do. As well as actually telling the secret, therefore it being out of your control, and therefore you lose the 'thrill', the person who told you in the first place, when they find out that you spilled the beans will be a) pissed off, b) never tell you anything again. In this situation the secret was huge, gigantuan and the person that I told was doing a very good impression of a trustworthy person. But I still really regret it. The person that I told stupidly went up to my informant and said 'So, is it true'. Then my informant did the whole 'I'm disappointed and don't trust you' thing. And I felt so guilty that I thought I was going to vomit. It was a really horrible situation. I just really hope it goes no  further now, but the fact that I can't control it makes me feel very stressed, especially because the secret is pretty massive.

I am disappointed in myself. I have let the secret keepers around the world down, I've let the team down, but most of all, I've let myself down....And now I have to face the music. I really need to improve my secret keeping skills. I still trust you, chin up mate, I'm sure they will forgive a first offence.

Dorothy and Daphne

My First Foray in to a Strip Club

So on Saturday I ended up in a strip club. I wasn't my intention, and I feel like a little bit of me died inside, but I didn't really have a great deal of choice, I could have joined a group of people that I felt equally uncomfortable around and didn't like, or i could join the people inside where the like/dislike ratio was about even and if I'm blatantly honest I was a little curious. Basically, it was a close friends 18th, so we went out on the town. But then it took a turn for the seedy when said birthday girl decided it would be fun-times to go in to a strip club named 'WILDCATS', a small concrete building with a neon pink woman/cat sign plastered above the door and creepy men loitering outside. I was pretty apprehensive  but when everyone (around 15 people) decided to make a go for it, so instead of standing out side of a strip club, which would look a bit dodgy, I went in. And I just found it pretty disheartening.

I wasn't fazed by the nudity, perhaps because all my friends are pretty open, and I'm not a prude. I used to do a lot of swimming, like 7 times a week, and there was naked women foaming naked at either side of me, IT IS ALWAYS THE GROSS ONES and although it was a bit uncomfortable, I got over it. Although I've got to say holding a conversation with a very nude lady with the most pubic hair you will ever see is pretty distracting.

What I didn't like was the objectification, it just made me feel really uncomfortable when the boys that I was with (I knew they were twattish before hand such twats) were telling me to move out of the way (they were sitting down, I was standing up) so they 'could see it'. These boys in particular experience have always seemed to have superiority complex, but you could almost feel these girls walking around, and maybe it's because I'm female, but when looked around I just saw me. Well, I saw a girl wearing the same nail colour as me, and another who was obviously wearing a underwear set that I had seriously considered buying from Miss Selfridge, and remember feeling a wave of empathy.  I know that these women were here by choice, and that a few of them were probably students like myself.  But I remember thinking how horrid the 'patrons' were, they had a complete lack of respect for them, it wasn't like they went there and looked grateful to the strippers, they had complete disdain for them they are good enough to stare at naked but not to be viewed as a fellow human being. And I just felt uncomfortable there, on one hand I was all 'well it's their choice, I'm not going to come in here and act all high and mighty', but on the other hand I could never go to, lets say, a male strip club and feel good about watching it. I think that if someone was to strip for me I would want it to be because they actually wanted to, not because I was paying them. As I am sure many do, you minx, you.  But on the other hand, people can make money out of themselves if they want to.

The whole thing made me think about the way the night-life works, often girls are let in cheaper or free to clubs, and that's to get guys in who want to feel up a couple of girls and maybe get lucky. So much feeling up, I got a crotch grab on Saturday, crotch! How long has that been a thing!? Entirely not okay. I actually got into the strip club for free. The whole thing is about sex. And the desperation that these people obviously felt to see some vag almost made me pity them. Almost? Pity away my dear because it is sad, it is like those men that eat their sausage rolls whilst oggling page three in The sun, totally pathetic (not the sausage rolls obviously). Maybe it's because I'm not a really sexual person, but it just seemed so animalistic. Not in a creepy way clearly, but I would say that I am a quite sexual person and I refused to go on, payed or free, I just wanted to dance with my friends. I am not sure how I feel about strip clubs because I am not wholly against them but something about this place just looked so entirely seedy it made me very sad. And made me feel worthless, because I was surrounded by men objectifying other women. And I knew if I ever got naked up there, or even got up there with clothes on, that they could treat me like that too. I know some of my friends had fun, the birthday girl got a strip/lap dance thing, which she loved, and the experience was quite funny, in a 'that was weird' way. But it was a bit soulless, perhaps a 'classier' venue next time?

Dorothy and Daphne

The Syndicate - A Typically Narrow Minded View of t' North

After the first series of the four part BBC drama 'The Syndicate' I was glad to see it back with a new cast of characters because I think it is always interesting to see the concept of money making a change. I just had one niggle, it was set 'up my way' again in t'north and it bothered me for some reason. I understand that that format worked the first time but it is perpetuating some kind of stereotype. I enjoy it as a program but the Northern wife beating husband just got to me a tiny little bit, I thought we were past this BBC, domestic violence happens in the South too and not just London south (hello Eastenders) the 'posh' parts too.

Domestic violence isn't a crime exclusive to northerners, members of the lower classes or men if we are really going to dissect this. I love that the BBC is showing a bit more of Britain than London or middle class rural communities (often in the south) in this drama and maybe as the stories develop and we get to know the characters and their respective back-stories it will all make sense and there will be some explanations. But it doesn't fail to bother me just a tiny little bit that the Yorkshire Bastard getting pissed on the sofa and beating up his wife is once again being thrown out into the world of televisual drama, we Yorkshirites might be able to laugh at this because of course in every group of Yorkshire women one will be beaten by their arse-hole husbands (this is not true just to clarify) but I don't want southerners to be sat there smugly looking down their noses at us, BECAUSE TELEVISION ISN'T REAL LIFE. I see how that could make me appear slightly hypocritical after getting on my high horse about something that happened on a drama program, but I do think it does show a tiny little lack of originality. Can I just add that they tend to only feature Yorkshire accent on slightly slow or rude people? I promise, having a Yorkshire accent does not mean you are less intelligent.

It is no longer something that gives a character an edge because as a viewer we have seen it all before, it was such a predictable format I pretty much acknowledged it as fact from the way he was standing. I think they really should have gone the whole hog, not just the bottles of beer but a pie in one hand, fag hanging out of his mouth, a tractor in the back garden and dropping t's and h's like nobody's business. All in all it doesn't make for the greatest tourism campaign.This is Bronte Country and where Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights were set. We have some gorgeous hills guys...

I think in general there is this massive misconception of 'up in t'North'. Whenever the region is portrayed on T.V they paint it so much more grey than anywhere in the country, and with endless council estates (People Like Us). And they don't even distinguish from Lancashire and Yorkshire! It's also quite sad that we're getting all excited over the fact that something is actually based 'up North' because normally the BBC (and other companies) seem to think that London, and maybe  few small towns are the only parts of the civilized world. Maybe it is a subtle cry for help from all the Beebs people who have been forced to move to the mean streets of Salford. Because Manchester is so uncivilised and there most definitely isn't everything you can get in London in Manchester? 

Girls SEASON FINALE sobsobsob

Who would have thought it, Adam a knight in shining armour? I can finally say I am satisfied, I am satisfied and amused by the latest episode of Girls, not everything is resolved in a neat little bow (I would expect nothing less from girls, perfect happy endings is not their style) but I got what I wanted from it.

Marnie and Hannah still need that re-bonding properly but the beginnings of it began to show, so many loose ends but I am just thinking how much I am going to miss Girls now. I feel like I am losing the gang. I don't care if their romances aren't perfect, their jobs are messy and frankly they are all totally pants at maintaining things but frankly it is real. 

It has been criticised for using the New York setting as many shiny American sitcoms have in the past and totally romanticising and idealising it but I feel like Girls is pretty real. Sure they all attempt to have 'cool' careers and aren't just worker drones, but that is because they are a quirky cast of characters and that is what the audience want. Plus the struggles they are having with their 'cool' careers, like not getting them at all is pretty real. Marnie is just floundering entirely and then Charlie is an over night success. I think it is a pretty accurate representation really of our generation where an app, something people put on their phones, can make you rich. We change at a rate of knots and Girls understands that. 

Talking about careers, Ray trying to impress Shoshanna with a better job and totally missing the real issue in their relationship was so uncomfortable. Shoshanna never ever fails to be entirely brilliant, 'YOU HATE EVERYTHING' and 'I CAN'T BE THE ONLY THING YOU LIKE' were just excellent at summarising Ray, if I am honest I am glad it has come to a head because he is draining her and her 'social butterfly ness'. Shoshanna is sunshine. (Sidebar I MISS JESSA but whatever maybe it is just because in my head I am Jessa, when I am totally not).

Oh and Hannah with her downstairs neighbour, did anyone else laugh out loud when she said she might look 'scary thin' and he just shot her down. I laughed. Oh Hannah... poor Hannah. The haircut, actually I will leave the hair cut alone, she has taken enough crap lately. 

I am still loving the chilled look on Marnie, 

And here is that haircut I promised not to mention - 

Well all I can say is I am going to miss this for a while, first original thing I have seen in terms of American comedy in a long while.

Daphne

The Misogyny Debate, Interrupted Women.

So I think this issue needs some more attention, Two female debaters, Rebecca Meredith from Cambridge University, and Edinburgh student Marlena Valles, were booed and heckled during their appearance at the prestigious Glasgow Ancients debating competition.

In an exclusive blog for The Huffington Post UK, Meredith, who has been ranked one of the top 20 speakers in the world, described the experience as "one of the most unpleasant incidents of my life".

Students Marlena Valles (left) and Rebecca Meredith (right)

"We were booed, heckled with 'shame woman' and exposed to sexual comments and queries of 'what qualifications does a woman possibly have to be here'. The difference between us? We were female.

"After the debate, a member of this group shouted "get that woman out of my chamber" as my partner Marlena passed.

"Students from Glasgow told us that the male members concerned often shouted 'whore' and 'slut' at female students," Meredith continues, "While a former female committee member stated that she had adopted 'battered wife syndrome' and had risen to the top of the GUU by accepting and ignoring misogyny. One said 'things will never change here, they are too powerful'."

Although president of the GUU society, David Lockhart, said the union would be investigating the incidents, five student societies have written a public letter addressing the "failure to properly address misogynistic behaviour":

Dear Mr Lockhart,

We are writing to you today on behalf of Glasgow University Scottish Nationalist Association, the Glasgow University Labour Club, Glasgow University Coalition of Resistance, Glasgow University Politics Society and the Glasgow University Feminist Society with regard to the recent developments at the Glasgow University Union.

As affiliated societies, we are extremely disappointed about the accusations of sexist and misogynistic behaviour by members of the GUU at the Ancients debating final, which have brought the otherwise sound reputation of debating at the GUU and this university into disrepute.

Misogynistic behaviour or discrimination of any kind should be strongly condemned and punished by the GUU. No-one at this university should have to face bullying or harassment, and we should always seek to promote equality and respect within debating.

It is with consideration of this fact that we have decided to disaffiliate with the GUU until:

1 Appropriate disciplinary action, up to a life ban, is taken against those responsible; and

2 A commitment is made to promote gender equality within the GUU.

While we welcome the recent statement from the GUU, it does not go far enough to reassure us - given the seriousness of the situation.

Regards,

The Glasgow University Scottish Nationalist Association, Glasgow University Labour Club, Glasgow University Coalition of Resistance, Glasgow University Politics Society and the Glasgow University Feminist Society

A petition started on change.org by Glasgow University student Caroline Moore to "expel the members responsible and show commitment to gender equality" has already garnered 3,855 signatures.

Moore calls on the GUU executive members to "denounce the actions of these members" "to demonstrate their commitment to a sexism-free GUU by undertaking a gender equality training session", adding "The GUU is not a Boys' Club anymore."

Moore refers to the GUU's previous sexist policy on women. The union, which was founded in 1885 and describes itself as "the finest training grounds for young politicians", only voted to allow women to become members in 1980. In November 2012, the GUU hosted its controversial "Last All Male Board" (LAMB) dinner. The dinner, a long-running tradition, was set up to "commemorate" the last all-male board of management, after females were admitted. The president of the GUU, Lockhart, attends the LAMB events.

Dorothy

Girls (on film, do do do do dooo)

So this episode was the land of wincing and cringing (although there were some beautiful moments of cringe humour), the girls in Girls are all floundering. Floundering I tell you. We have lost Jessa to the ether, cry, Hannah is in full on melt-down over her e-book, Shoshanna's philandering surprisingly has me feeling no sympathy for Ray aaaand Marnie, what the hell? Seriously Marnie all for the singing career but the desperate attention seekingy singing had me cringing so badly I could barely watch. The long cringey intro, the swapping of the i-pods leaving a silent gap. Just..eep. 

Frankly, I wanted Marnie and Charlie to get back together but not because they had changed roles, now he is the success and she is the annoying leechy failure (sorry I love you, but it is true). I have refrained from doing a Girls post for a while because I have been a bit underwhelmed, it has gotten a bit grim, but I guess that is reflecting the stages they are all at in their lives and careers. 

Marnie and Hannah need to get this sorted, THEY NEED EACHOTHER. Really, a girl's best friend is the only person that can help her get her life on track, parents are going to do the best they can but your best friend is the one holding the bottle of vodka and making you write pro/con lists at three in the morning, the only time when you actually figure shit out in my opinion. 

I actually shed a little tear for Hannah over her various injuries and loneliness and her encounter with Adam. Adam being a total dick, kind of, I have no idea what I think of Adam; I think that is the point of Adam. Anyhow, please God someone rescue Hannah and her OCD please, please, please. She tried to reach out to that doctor who basically just mocked her, I need Hannah to get help for my own sanity as a viewer!

Shoshanna, oh darling, so stereotype America-girl 'like yah'. I find it impossible to hate you because you had every reason to cheat on Ray, he's just Ray. He won't make her happy in the long run and she is beginning to realise this. But 'HOLDING HANDS' seriously, no. If you are going to lie, then don't tell him. Do not go half fucking way (or really just an inch of the way but whatever), she is in a little bit of a mess.

1. I miss Jessa
2. I miss Marnie/Hannah moments
3. I want Marnie to not be so dorky, but at the same time it is quite funny
4. I want Charlie to want Marnie out of love not pity, I still think he is a dork deep down
5. I want Shoshanna and Ray to break up, or at least have a fight

Sorry if this sounds annoying intense fan-ish as opposed to an eloquent review of the series, but right now I am feeling like an annoying intense fan. Girls was my fill of New York amusement. Girls is pretty 'real' at the moment which is probably better than it being a happy shiny sitcom, I'm probably just sad that it isn't really escapism right now. 

Costume points, I like Marnie's new chilled look 

As she decomposes I kinda like her more as a person, also Shoshanna's increasingly bizarre hair and clothing choices (the donut bun right on top of her head, hair half up half down. Brilliant!) are wonderfully entertaining in themselves. It sort of reflects her own hyper-actively changing emotions and thoughts. 

Daphne 

The Death of Fictional Friends: The Pain of Fandoms

Last night 'Being Human' FINISHED FOREVER. Toby Whithouse you are a legend. This is my tribute to the pain I'm suffering at the moment. There may be spoilers. Below is how I felt when I found out Being Human was not being re-commissioned. Oh God, here we go... 

I have always had a rather over-active imagination. When I was younger I had two imaginary friends, who were naughty goblins called 'Sally', who was female, and 'Boo Boo' a boy. I think, it was always quite ambiguous. They were so vivid that when Boo Boo 'pinched' me it actually hurt, I invented them because I was scared of the Goblins from 'Noddy', see below.

 I am with you here, they were frankly terrifying, it's in the eyebrows. 

I have always gotten much too emotionally involved with the imaginary world. I once cried because I read a book based in the 1950's (The Lost Art Of Keeping Secrets, if you interested) and I imagined it so vividly and well for a while I actually believed in reincarnation, it was really weird. I do remember this, it was weird, but it wasn't cause for concern weird, you just really felt an affinity with the era!

Anyway I am writing this post in response to the ridiculous amount of pain that I feel when a t.v show, or series of book's, or even a single book finishes. I am with you. So with you. When I commit to a series, I commit. I watch every single episode and get angry when things happen the way I didn't want them to, (await my next Girls post for this, because I have much to say)  I read all the interviews and follow all the actors' twitters. So, when a TV show ends, or a book series, it feels like a little world has been closed off to me, and I feel at a loss. I've never been one to re-read books either, so to me it's like when Aslan tells Lucy that she's not coming back to Narnia any time soon. Jesus, that produced some tears. I think it's even worse with TV though, at least with books there is normally a planned ending from the beginning, I feel that with a  TV series the ending can be entirely too sudden, because normally the reason it ends is the station/channel stops commissioning it (DAMN YOU BBC THREE, BEING HUMAN WAS THE BEST THING YOU PRODUCE. DICKS.I miss Gavin and Stacy) or because the actors stop being available, or the show loses momentum (Inbetweeners) bit old to play high school now really.

It really hurt (sob) when Harry Potter finished, but it at least had a finite ending. Didn't really hurt because we had all read the books years ago and frankly I was a bit sick of all their faces. Being Human did not do that. Personally, I hate cliff-hangers, especially when you know that you will never find out if it all ends happily or if it is all an illusion, it is so frustrating. I don't mind them, I think it is just a dramatic device that leaves the plot-line open if it ever gets picked up again. A satisfying ending means a definite end, this allows the possibility of some kind of recommission/spin off in the future, which is what you want right? I just wanted a satisfying ending, like, I don't know.. knowing whether or not the Apocalypse had been avoided and if the devil was ruling the world or not? Maybe, could you please give us that? In some way's I wished they had all died. It would be heart-breaking, but I would at least be able to grieve (Mitchell, Nina, George and Annie, I miss you guys). Right now, whenever I think of the ending I just get a knot in my stomach, and an over bearing feeling of doom, that I know will never go away, because although it has finished, in my head it hasn't. I think that the 2nd cast of Being Human were just coming into fruition, the chemistry was so good between them and I was loving/slightly jealous of the budding romance between Hal and Alex. Although the original cast will always hold a place in my heart (Mitchell and Annie so much love), I just feel the 2nd had so much potential! It felt like someone had dead headed a rose that didn't need to be dead headed. With Utopia, Black Mirror and Being Human finished, I am in mourning, I only have Supernatural now, I am getting back on that train today, waahay. And that finishes soon, sob. I hate how BBC 3 tries to 'mix it up', if it aint broke, don't mix. So true. I understand that all things come to an end, and kudos to the writers, but I feel like the whole set up had so much more to give. I've only got Supernatural now for my supernatural/comedy/action genre. I'm going to plant a tree for 'Being Human' in remembrance. 

Lets mourn some past characters

Nina (Sinead Keenan)and Georges' ( Russel Tavoy) romance, and Annie (Lenora Crichlow, she was recently on Black Mirror) and Mitchell (Aiden Turner) were brilliant and heart breaking

I was really enjoying Tom (Micheal Socha, yeah Kelly off of Misfits' brother) and Alex (Kate Bracken)

Some Brilliant acting from Damien Molony as Hal

Regards,

Dorothy and Daphne

Saint Laurent, Paris Fashion Week: A Bit 'Hipster' Unfortunatly

Sorr, I'm really upset about the Being Human ending, so I'm being a bit of a bitch. I've been really busy, so this is a bit late time wise, as the Saint Laurent show was over a week ago, but hey. I think the time it took me shows how uninspired I was.
A new direction from Saint Laurent, which is freshly headed by HEDI SLIMANE, who I understand to be a bit of a free spirit. However, it may be a bit tying too hard to be 'effortless/cool', you know what I mean, a bit, dare I say it ... hipster. Sorry, not impressed, you could find much of it in All Saints, not that I have a problem particularly with All Saints, I just think that when I watch fashion shows I want to be wowed, and think 'how..why..how' not 'I saw that on ASOS I think'. I want to see impossibly beautiful  complex and original designs. Not the high street with sequins. Apparently other fashion journos have called it 'bad topshop'. Agreed, something extraordinary is required on the catwalk, if you can't do it there where can you?

Regards,
Dorothy

This has all been 'done' SO MANY TIMES. Get some originality and but 'Yves' back in the title, it sounds so much better.

Miu Miu: Part Folklore Part Office Wear.

These boots are cool, and I really enjoy the neck line of this dress.

The ploka dot cheeky neck tie's seem to be Miu Mius  'thang' this season, very air-hostessy, I like that.

I never understand when they make coats less warm

Bringin' out the stripes, this is 'escape from the asylum' wear

This coat is magnificent

You could hide troupe of mirco pigs in that  holdall, The shoes, look at the shoes! Dribble.

I love these tights and shoes.

Narnia, with style.

The necktie seems very versatile

I think the coats were the highlights of  Miu Miu, they're so playful

Adorable. Again with the shoe lust. 

Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter '13: Shakespearean Fencer

So, Starting it off, a cheeky ruff and a (sparkly) fencing mask, with puffy sleeves. Fence in style I say.

Looks similar? I guess we know Sarah Burton's inspiration

I just don't know what to say, kudos for effort I guess.

Elizabeth would be sooo on trend right now.

I actually like this, it's like boudoir wear, but can also be used in self defense, have you seen the spikes.  It's a Chastity suit. Well Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen'.

This is like a cross between 'Big Fat Gypsy Wedding/Elizabethan England'

I never knew ruffs would be back

Very ostrich like, but I enjoy it, imagine walking down the street in this. 

Hungry for more? go here for the video of the show.

'Don't you ever get to thinking you're irreplaceable'

I try not to be too psycho girlfriend when it's avoidable but lately I have hit my wall. It's like going out with two different guys. The one that gives a shit and the one that doesn't. Essentially today I have just seen red. I might be over reacting but I feel pretty fucking annoyed and I don't know if I am being unreasonable or not. 

Basically I made plans on Monday with said boyfriend. He 'forgot' we made ACTUAL plans and arranged to meet up with his mates, but when describing 'mate meet up' yesterday he made it sound like it was work based and it was therefore totally okay to cancel. I today discover he's really having 'drinks with the lads' and hit the wall. I hate that I am becoming an actual girl that flips out over shit like this. But I am. So deal with it.

He has now apologized but for some reason I am still angry. What the hell is wrong with me? 

Well at the end of the day, I care about him. But repeated little incidents like this are starting to grate on me. 

Daphne

Guest Post:Is The Matrix Closer Than We Think?

Guest Post by Deana, Dorothy and Daphne 

Deana is an aspiring philsosphy student and script writer, who shares our passion for Supernatural (the t.v show) and has a fondness for 'David and Goliath' T shirts. She has a dog called Charlie who thinks he is a fish.


I don’t know if you have seen the sci-fi film The Matrix, it’s a very good film, seconded. In case you haven’t (and you should!) it’s based loosely on the philosopher Plato’s theory of the forms, it describes a world where humans are used as a fuel powered by a reality where they are being kept in a dream-like state, living and enjoying a fantasy world which they presume is reality.

Humans in The Matrix live in ignorance and they say after all that ignorance is bliss. We can condemn the Sentient Machines for causing this horrific action for humans to be trapped in their own minds, being forced a reality. Force-feeding someone a superficial reality is wrong right? But how far is this from our own reality? Let’s look at some examples...

1) As mentioned earlier by Dorothy and Daphne’s’ excellent article about Beyonce, her miming is a pop-world crime. The greatest crime is clearly miming the inauguration of the president. I’m sure she had her reasons as all famous stars apparently do nowadays, blah blah blah, but the fact remains that it was sold to the public on TV that it was LIVE! Live concerts or appearances have the edge over planned appearances; there is spontaneity and a sense of risk that something could go wrong. Yet the fact that she mimed it, undermines the inauguration, herself as an artist and the media in a false presentation to the people. I get what your saying, it's only a little thing, but at the same time it makes it hard for us mere mortals to know whether or not we can believe something that is being posed as a truth, this makes me sad, because we are all going to start living wary and suspicious lives (much like Dorothy does now, I kid, I kid).

2) After the recent news about all this horsemeat scandal in burgers and a huge amount of processed meat, I can be pretty sure that I have most probably eaten horse. I can’t say I am too upset about this, as I have eaten many a exotic meat in my day but I could have sworn on the package it said “BEEF . There is something clearly morally corrupt and, let’s be frank, criminal about being sold something that we didn’t want, If I wanted a horsemeat burger I would buy a burger which was “horsemeat”. I’m pretty sure the big supermarkets didn’t know, but how did we become so disenfranchised from our food that we can’t trust where it comes from or what it is?! Whether or not the supermarkets intended horsemeat to be in burgers, it is clear that we are really kept in the dark about our food industry. I recently started eating meat after never trying it before as I was raised by exotic peoples called Vegetarians, I have now stopped my culinary exploration becasue I don't know what animal I'm eating, I think however that you always know that somethings a fish, so I'm sticking with that. As a vegetarian, consuming neither meat nor fish, I'm feeling pretty smug here since I am pretty confident I can identify that  a potato is in fact a potato. 

3) Lance Armstrong. A hero among sportsmen?  Defied all odds by winning the tour de France, a sporting legend... right? WRONG! He actually denied for years that he took ‘performance enhancements’ as I think they’re formally known and refused to admit that he took drugs to aid his sporting performance. And we believed him... This inspiring figure has crumbled by admitting what he really did. Of course doping occurs in all sports not just cycling but the worrying fact remains is that, when is a world record a world record? Can we always trust these statistics? My dad was really upset about this, he's one of those middle aged men in lyrca, and has had testicular cancer so he held Lance in high esteem, my sister, who is also a keen sportswoman even had Lance quotes next to her bed. 

4) (This is for me my most shocking case) I have a very close connection to the city of Liverpool and my parents were distraught at the Hillsborough Disaster where nearly 100 Liverpool fans of all ages tragically lost their lives. However, days later the police claimed that as the stadium collapsed, the Liverpool football fans were supposedly stealing from the dead bodies and threatening the police - making it impossible for them to get through to aid the dying on the pitch. This hideous lie was considered truth for years. Until recently police admitted that they lied and that this DIDN’T occur. This makes me personally sick that police officers charged with protecting and us and honouring the law, lie to the public with these lies being emphasised and re-published again and again in newspapers. This one is definitely sickening, we live in a world where we are supposed to be good people and help others and make all the right decisions, but how can we respect those that do that professionally, and make the right decisions personally, when even they can't get it right? 

... And I’m sure there are countless other cases I’ve missed. This is by no means a conspiracy theory, but a stark warning of the potential future of this country and indeed the world. Just a quick shout out to Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror here (as recommended to me by Dorothy) that really explores the farcical society we now inhabit. Perhaps it won’t be robots who take over the world as in The Matrix as worldwide superficial media might beat them to it. 

Why I Feel Shit For Buying 'Glamour' Magazine

I've done it again. I have bought Glamour magazine and surprise surprise it is full of absolute woman hating bullshit. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE I REPEATEDLY DO THIS. When I am looking at the pretty pictures all is fine. There is nothing that makes me feel grim as a human, they are just pretty, shiny, well-lit pictures. It is the reading that makes me angry,  so angry. To quote the 'everyone is sending naked pictures of themselves' article, which is not interesting in the slightest but that is a whole other point, the line 'no 24 year old today has any pubic hair, but someone of 34 does... If I had met someone my age today who said they had all their hair down there, I'd call them a hippy', well awful, snobby, vile representation of my gender I would just like to say on behalf of all freethinking women world over that you are what bring the rest of our females down. If you do something because, quote, 'Sex and The City made getting a Brazilian fabulous' then you really should just keep your opinions to yourself. If the lovely bepubed lady decided to share her full hairy nature with you you should commend her on her bravery to be herself and assume that it wouldn't affect peoples opinions of her, which you seem to be proving it does. 

Oh but wait one second, what is this Glamour? Amongst your articles of how us women can 'please' our men or just generally reducing our gender to a pretty unflattering stereotype there is an article on feminism, gasp. Glamour, tackling feminism oh please tell me more. No, that was also a total waste of precious minutes of my life. Basically listing slight occurrences in recent history that could be classified as 'pro-feminism' and some that are not so much. Really just making a point that any woman worth her salt is already aware of. Then I realise that the whole point of this little article is to promote a book ingeniously entitled 'Fifty Shades of Feminism' and that Glamour are just doing their bit to advertise this. Nice. Can I just add that what is this fad in the magazine industry that they think that by putting 'Fifty Shades of....(Whatever)' means that it is a good witty title for a feature. Sure, Fifty Shades sold well, but that doesn't mean that you should use it as the headline, it's dull and unimaginative.


I've recently been starting to wonder how far magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan can go in this day and age, I mean haven't they been through every sex position in the proverbial book, no one is bendy enough to do the ones that are left. I mean Vogue and Elle, despite promoting unhealthy body shapes and far too expensive clothing at least have a clear fashion centric aim for the most part and the other articles tend to be damn good writing. Glamour just makes me feel greasy and ashamed when I actually read the 'articles', so entirely and whole heartedly disappointed in myself for wasting two pounds I could have spent on food. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT GLAMOUR I LIKE TO EAT AND DON'T WANT TO DO YOUR FIFTY EASY BODY TWEAKS.

I am so guilty of this, so far this month I have bought Glamour, Vogue, i-D, oh Comely, Elle and Elle Runway. This needs to stop. I spend too much money. However I do really enjoy the fashion side, and the photography in Vogue, but I just have to bear in mind that these models are not something that I can attempt to be body-wise. It does make me laugh how they try to shock you all the time with sex surveys, that we all know people lie on, I lie on surveys all the time for fun, especially if it's a sex one. It's very fulfilling making people think you have a ear fetish. Yeah... sure... lying... 

I feel like that women's magazines are going the same way as nail varnish, we've had leather effect, suede effect, snake skin, textured, smelly, 3-d, 5-d, pointed square and every color under the sun, yet every month they tell us there is a new one YOU MUST HAVE. To finish this ridiculous metaphor,  basically I feel like these magazines have no taboos left to be broken, no more secrets of womanhood to be told. But I know that I will keep buying Glamour, it's like a literary comfort food, even if reading it puts me off all food accept celery. I'll probably keep i-D and Vogue, I think the photography can be good, and I like looking at the high fashion and then finding my own high street/ charity version.  Plus I think the articles are interesting  and have a good tone. But, disappointingly  I sometimes think the magazine that was the bible of womanhood seems to be a veiled 50's housewife magazine. The audience that the publishers aim for seem to be every women under the age of 35, yet they really don't really represent their audience well. They don't commit to high fashion which make the extortionate prices on the of clothes featured unreasonable, no 'every-woman' could consider actually dressing like the photo shoot. I'm also annoyed with the London centric nature of magazines, there is a world outside of the capital. This is highly irritating, London is a trek, a trek we northerners cannot afford. We aren't any less cool because we don't live in London - we have Manchester, we have Leeds, we weren't born in barns. Although they always have attractive men in, which I appreciate.












But I think I would find it difficult to go cold turkey on Glamour, it's become something of a companion on a cold train ride, and introduced me to some really great people through their interviews and occasionally serious issues, such as labiaplasty, plus, it's only £2. And I wouldn't turn down a job working there, or even an internship. I just think that often woman's magazines are just raking over old ground. Sad fact is I probably wouldn't either and they do have their plus points, but almost everyone I know seems to just feel saddened by their stuff rather than uplifted, it is like they want us to feel abnormal or inadequate. 



Daphne and Dorothy

Best Friends With a Serial Killer: A Short Story By Daphne

So, inspired by the previous post about the weird fan mail that serial killers get, and even the marriage proposals, Daphne has written a short story on what it would feel like to find out the person you thought you knew inside out was a different person entirely.

Strong people don't need other people to fight their battles for them, but it is still nice to know that someone will. Even strong people need to feel like they are loved, appreciated and safe. Making someone feel safe is all you can ever really aim to achieve. Actually keeping them safe is harder, because the world is a horrible place for the majority of the time. Although, inexplicably, if you make someone feel safe even after they have been hurt it helps to repair that damage just one tiny little bit. Creating a world where you coexist without fear even if it is only for a minute or two can make the days more bearable, make the hours pass comfortably and make every dream more tangible.

I felt safe, secure and I trusted my world. Every friend and boyfriend, every member of my family made me feel safe. My world was an impenetrable fortress and no one embodied that more than Rosa. Rosa my best friend. My anchor, we orbited each other. We lived and shared and loved, it was the purest form of love, friendship. We were made to be friends, from the moment we met at the age of seven we were inseparable. She liked dinosaurs and so did I, we both loved to draw and both wanted to be teenagers more than anything in the whole wide world. Teenagers were so cool. Then we were teenagers, kissing boys and sharing all the details. Talking about drinking and what smoking would be like, but never actually trying it. Then came the drinking and the trying of the smoking, and the hating smoking I might add. Drinking stuck. So did the boys. Then there were the heartbreaks and the long nights over the phone sobbing and asking 'why me' and 'what have I done to deserve this?'. Nothing she cooed, nothing.

So what happens when you find out that your anchor, your kindred spirit has a whole other person?An entirely separate entity you never knew. Someone you didn't recognise. We aren't talking 'Fight Club' completely unaware of the alter ego. We are talking repressed personality, total awareness of repressed desires. Dark desires. Never expressing them to anyone, ever. I never knew. Never ever. She was always my Rosa, long auburn ringlets, wide hazel eyes and soft porcelain skin. Gentle voice and petite hands. She was soft, beautiful and delicate. It was all a lie, paradoxical, antithetical, incomprehensible, a lie. I'm still not sure. I just, it just, we just, no one knew. 

It was the day of her wedding. I was wearing a Grecian, drape, lilac dress with plaited straps and detailing at the waist. She looked sublime, it was a small, fitted satin dress with a gauzy outer layer that reached the floor and long bell sleeves. It had a small, scallop-edged collar beaded with pearls and cuffs that matched. She had always been the fashionable one. Her hair was tumbling over her shoulders with a single forget-me-not pinned into a ringlet (something blue, new and borrowed from her neighbour's garden). The wedding was in two hours but we were ready, it was going to be small. I was her only bridesmaid and we were alone in her flat, reminiscing, dancing and crying. Then she stopped, she lifted the needle of the record player and turned to me, smiling a fixed smile. We were twenty eight. I had known her twenty one years and I had never seen this smile, it still makes me feel sick from the fathoms of my stomach when I recollect that smile. The smile that unleashed a swarm of bees into my life, angry, confusion inducing and soul destroying bees.

“I have something to tell you”

“What do you mean? You aren't going to ditch him at the alter are you?”

“I'm not joking Carrie, I. Have. Something. To. Tell. You.”

“Jeeeesus Roes fucking spit it out, you're freaking me out.”

“I've killed people.”

“Haha. Bloody hilarious, no seriously what's up?”, she walked towards me in her ethereal manner with an empty look, it was nothing. It meant nothing. There was nothing there. I knew she meant it.

When you grow with someone, learn their world through their eyes and share yours with them, a few things become clear. When they are joking and when they are deadly serious is one of them. I had never seen her more serious. This was not a joke. I review the memory every single day, repeatedly and I pray to god that what happened after never happened and that it was a joke. I rewrite the past, the world we live in now is just an alternate reality, a shadow of a moment that never happened. A route that was never actually taken just eluded to in a moment of questionable humour. I use this to make myself feel safe, but it is only the illusion of safety. When safety is all you dream of for those you love, finding out that they are the dangerous ones makes you constantly fear every breath or word or kiss or dance will have irreparable consequences.

“Who?”, I finally uttered after a near eternal pause. It wasn't like the films where I would have frozen in shock or dropped what I was holding or screamed or cried or ran; it was like a pain that started in my knees and ran to my hips then seared my stomach and burnt my brain till my eyeballs felt like something was trying to melt them from my skull. The pain of confusion over a reality that I always trusted would be a nightmare. “A woman in a pink dress, my upstairs neighbour, his wife three months later and my fiancé’s ex-girlfriend”, she was cool, collected and her voice still felt like a lavender scented caress to my ears. She was the same person, but simultaneously someone I had never met. “Why?” I didn't run. I was intrigued. If I had had any sense I would have run, not heard details, not asked questions, just left and never looked back. Travelled, met new people. Done everything I had always been too scared to do, because everything I knew I was sure of was actually everything I didn't know. “The woman in the pink dress was having an affair with my boss, his wife was the nicest woman I had ever met. I followed her to her car, then the next time she came in I went down to the car park and cut the brakes. Then I put the pliers back into my bosses tool kit at home when I returned the cookbook I had borrowed from his wife. I stayed for a cup of tea when the police arrived and arrested him later that afternoon.”

“I remember this, you told me that you suspected he was a bit weird all along. I fucking agreed with you. You... I. Fuck.”, I was sick. Violently sick into the waste paper bin at the side of the dressing table, my vomit splashed the mirror.

“My upstairs neighbour played music really loud and smoked lots of weed, he never went to work. He was always making noise, he had very loud sex with his wife and then they would smoke more weed. I asked them nicely to keep it down. They never listened. One day I took some shrooms around while his wife was out. I pretended to take them with him, I convinced him to jump out of the window whilst he was tripping. He died instantly. I left, went to my apartment and waited for the police to arrive and asked if I had seen anything, to which I replied no. Then his wife got a bit suspicious when the case got closed as a simple 'bad trip' scenario. Explaining he never did shrooms. Getting a bit too questioning. She knew it was me. I was sure she knew it was me. I took her some flowers a couple weeks after the funeral to say sorry I couldn't go. She went along with the charade. Offered me some tea. We both knew. What she didn't know is that I had crushed my nan's prescription sleeping pills and poured the powder into her drink. My nan didn't sleep for a week. I ran a bath and put her in it. I put on the washing up gloves and cleaned up my mug and where I had been sitting. Then I took a knife from the kitchen drawer. The biggest. I put it in her hand using my gloved one to make her grip it and slit both her wrists then left her to bleed. The sleeping pills were never mentioned in the paper, it must have looked like an open and closed suicide. No questions asked.”

I wretched. It was a dry wretch. My eyes watered and tears poured onto the beautiful dress, the bridesmaid dress. “No”, I murmured almost inaudibly. I didn't want to hear more. It was already too much, too much to try and believe. It was like a black hole opening in front of me.

She paced across the room toward me and sat on the sofa to my left. She turned her head painfully slowly to look at me, directly in the eye, and continued her grotesquely factual account. “The latest was Denise. I found texts on Michael's phone saying she wanted him back, telling him he could never love me and be loved as she had loved him and he had loved her. He was replying with non-committal responses in either direction as though he was actually considering it. I couldn't lose him. We are getting married. Everyone thinks it was a hit and run. Drunk teenagers something like that. They found the stolen car burning on an industrial estate fifteen miles from the scene of the accident. The driver had left no traces of evidence anywhere. It was my masterpiece. I stole the car from the old dear who lives three streets away. She only uses it on Sunday's and her grandson drives. She lives across from the pub and has had bother from rowdy customers in the past. I was wearing a ski mask, She had left the keys in the car as she always did, no one had stolen anything from her before. She had no reason to be cautious. I hit a few things on the pavement and grazed a few cars just to make the drunk driving believable, but not cause too much of a fuss. I knew Denise ran late at night, with her music in and wouldn't hear the car mount the pavement behind her. It was quick and simple. I knew she was dead from the amount of blood. I got to the estate, torched the car with the mask and clothes then walked across the fields until I reached the main road and caught the half past eleven bus into town. Then I met you for a drink after your awful date where we heard the news from Sandra.”

“You met me, straight after. You fucking met me. You didn't smell of petrol or look mucky or anything.”

“I had a change of clothes waiting at the industrial estate.”

“You planned it. You planned every inch of it. What is wrong with you? I have known you for most of my life, you are my best friend. How have I not seen this? When did the compulsions start? When did imagining violence stop being enough? I mean we fucking joke about killing people but actually fucking doing it, its sick its. Shit. Oh God.” I started to hyperventilate slightly, I wasn't sure how I had managed to be so verbose, I was speaking straight out of panic. Words were flowing form my body before my brain had even registered them as words.

“Three years ago when I was living in Bankfield I was raped.”, she looked up and for a split second I saw the Rosa I knew, then she was gone. Blank Rosa was back. “It was after that night when you were wearing the blue sequinned dress and we were really into mojitos. I was helpless. I managed to remain stable with my social circles and at work, but in my alone time I would snap. I started ringing call centres just to manipulate the people that worked there, to get a reaction, see what would push them to the edge. I poisoned my neighbour's cat because it shat on my doorstep. I had sex with a different man every night for eight months and every single one of them I drugged and branded using that brass ornament I have. There are men you know walking round with branded arse cheeks. They didn't know what had happened or why they were burnt. They just thought it had been a crazy night.”

This woman was not my friend. I thought this woman might kill me. It was true. I could see that it was all true. I tried to vomit again but instead I just spat into the bin. She tried to hold my hair but I pushed her into a book case.

“Why are you telling me?”, I screamed. I hadn't intended for it to be a scream but the words just amplified themselves in my mouth and I was screaming. I think I was crying but I can't tell. The pain was back and I was shaking violently. I could still smell her perfume, it smelled like her and I suddenly felt a lump in my throat, she was my best friend I loved her, she smelled like her. She was her. But my best friend had killed four people that walked this earth. Four human lives were lost at the hands of my best friend. “Because it is too good.” she replied. “ I should have been caught, no one can kill four people without consequence. I need reason. You are my reason. I need create the cracks myself if they won't form naturally.” It hit me. Four people. She is a serial killer. In that moment all I could think was 'I am best friends with a serial killer'.

What did you think of my fledgling attempt? Hope you enjoyed it.

This is The Part of Me: That's a Lazy Bastard.

By Dorothy

Today I didn't go into college. I just decided that today I wasn't going to. I have no reasonable explanation, I guess now that my uni applications have been send off there is no real consequence in the 'now', but I'm also aware of the correlation between good grades and amount of time spent in college, this has been drummed into me since primary school, with the assistance throughout my schooling of brightly colored posters.

I reasoned my way to not go to college with an  intense internal argument.

I Want To Get My Grades Me : Right, so lets get in early! And do some revision for your timed essay!

Lazy Bastard Me: UURRGGH Django Unchained dragged last night, Frankly it is the best film I have seen in a long while you cretin. Lets just go in at normal time, we've got a good three hours to revise, about a timed essay and I don't know what is about, it's such bull-shit. I'm meant to be doing one now, but oh what's this, nail varnish I haven't used since Christmas... 

I Want To Get My Grades Me: Yeah, but people don't care that your don't enjoy it, you just need that little letter 'a' to be on your record. Tends to be a capital. 

Lazy Bastard: Forms pointless, and the History teacher off ill, why don't we revise at home, and eat loads of crisps, we don't have to pay for lunch here. I SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON FOOD.

I Want To Get My Grades Me: Fine.

(3 hours later)

I Want To Get My Grades Me: Right Train time

 (I don't move)

I AM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF.
I think it is because I'm so stressed that I just can't face anything. I've got loads to do, but I'm just not doing it. Oh well, I like to think I work better under pressure. Yeah I tell myself that too.