What started as a silly and frivolous conversation with my boyfriend has turned into an issue I just can't bury, that's right people I let my boyfriend 'rate' me objectively, out of ten, and he didn't give me ten. Shock, horror. He loves me, but he thinks I'm a... deep breath.... eight. A mother fucking eight. That is two whole points that I could improve on. It is genuinely plaguing me, like ... well... the plague ( I am sorry I am not particularly figurative today).
Baaaaaaaaasically he came out with the whole 'hey if you were going to rate me objectively what would I be?' and I being the sensible girlfriend creature I am went, well I can't be objective because I love you kitten. Blurgh. Stupid me, because when I ask him without even a second of pause for thought he goes 'eight'. Straight off the bat. To make me 'feel better' he does say that Scarlett Johansson is a nine, thanks a bundle, that really improved my mood. hahahhahahah... sorry.
Don't get me wrong. I think the whole idea of rating anyone based on looks is so stupid that it barely merits an iota of thought, this was literally one of those throw-away conversations. From anyone else an eight probably would have pleased me, as pathetic as that is to admit. But for some reason I am just going over and over and over working out what has marked me down those two points.
I've compiled a list -
- Un-plucked eyebrows
- Bad skin
- Fat hips
- Man arms
Each of these he has denied valiantly and continually reminded me it was a joke, and that he thinks he's a six so he is technically batting above his weight. BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS, because if you love me I should be a ten. I should have a little halo of excellence and you should think that I am way hotter than Scarlett Johansson because I actually want to do it with you, in real life, you lowly six (except you're not because I love you and to me you are evidently a ten, idot).
So there. All I can leave you with is NEVER, EVER RATE YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. It cannot end well. Unless they give you a ten....
Daphne and a small input from Dorothy
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