We all know that this is a shit book, spare it's feelings why don't you!!! and there are many issues with it. One of which is that she dared to use Tess of D'urbervilles, my ultimate favourite book in such a toilet paper piece of literature, that was ridiculous and comparing herself to Tess, erm yeah you wish sweetheart. Such an insult. However, I thought I would treat you to an excerpt of a review on amazon:
The repetition...and the repetition...and the repetition. I'm convinced the E.L James has a computer macro that she hits to insert one of her limited repertoire of facial expressions whenever she needs one. According to my Kindle search function, characters roll their eyes 41 times, Ana bites her lip 35 times, Christian's lips "quirk up" 16 times, Christian "cocks his head to one side" 17 times, characters "purse" their lips 15 times, and characters raise their eyebrows a whopping 50 times. Add to that 80 references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious" (which also rolls its eyes and purses its lips, by the way), 58 references to Ana's "inner goddess," and 92 repetitions of Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (which, depending on the severity of the circumstances, can be intensified to "holy crap," "double crap," or the ultimate "triple crap").Ana says "Jeez" 81 times and "oh my" 72 times. She "blushes" or "flushes" 125 times, including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red." (I can't even imagine.) Ana "peeks up" at Christian 13 times, and there are 9 references to Christian's "hooded eyes," 7 to his "long index finger," and 25 to how "hot" he is (including four recurrences of the epic declarative sentence "He's so freaking hot."). Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line" 10 times. Characters "murmur" 199 times, "mutter" 49 times, and "whisper" 195 times (doesn't anyone just talk?), "clamber" on/in/out of things 21 times, and "smirk" 34 times. Christian and Ana also "gasp" 46 times and experience 18 "breath hitches," suggesting a need for prompt intervention by paramedics. Finally, in a remarkable bit of symmetry, our hero and heroine exchange 124 "grins" and 124 "frowns"... which, by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences "intense," "body-shattering," "delicious," "violent," "all-consuming," "turbulent," "agonizing" and "exhausting" orgasms on just about every page.
This makes a killer drinking game, I developed this and would just like to enlighten all you delightful blog followers (if you exist that is) basically:
- Drinks at the ready
- Flick to a random page and read the first paragraph you come to
- If you pick a paragraph that contains: a reference to the infamous 'inner goddess', Christian Grey's hair, or if there are any of the 'kinky/sexy/weird bits' that the book is known for everyone drinks EXCEPT YOU
- If by some miracle of fate you picked a paragraph without any of these things YOU drink
And you all get wonderfully drunk, I may use the above statistics to alter the drinking game, or align specific qualities with people involved so that every time one thing is mentioned that means one person drinks. Brilliant. I will keep you updated.
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