Being part of a tight knit girl group is never easy, it has its own social politics, hierarchy and idiosyncrasies. Last year both Dorothy and I went on the 'group holiday' and it was an excellent time, there were some admittedly low points but we look back on them with mostly humour now. This summer (as I have previously mentioned) I intend on travelling a little sometimes with friends, meeting up with old friends and sometimes alone. This doesn't concern me in the slightest but it means that I have already made my plans and can't really gallivant off on a girls' holiday as well. Who has that kind of cash? Mate, we don't have to pay for the apartment, just the flights, if we had to go full out, I would be in the same boat.? Want to spend the whole summer away so can't afford flights from where I'm going to be to Tenerife then back, or vice versa ...
I've been feeling a bit distanced from my group for a while after various incidents, and really have my own circles of friends out side of this group so it hasn't been the worst thing in the world. Sometimes I do think it is just natural change and that we are growing apart, or that we all have different priorities. I have been going out for a while now and for them it is still relatively new and seems to be way more of a make or break kind of thing, whereas I'm at a more take the nights as they come kind of point. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I am the only girl not going on 'THE HOLIDAY' and if what I remember from last year is correct it is going to be unbearable to spend any time at all with 'the group' from now until June. Basically if I don't want to listen to them plan constantly I am just going to have to live a life of isolation and loneliness. This is out of choice I might add. It may sound like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face and in many ways I probably am, but quite often I feel like they don't want or need me around and I am closer to other people that I don't need to constantly look to for validation/feel comfortable being my total self around.
I disagree, sure, it might be painful that your're not going on the holiday, however, last year other members of the group didn't go on the holiday, and they didn't feel the need to distance themselves. We've only just started planning it, of course it's going to be talked about, it's inevitable. And it annoyed the shit out of them?! What is the point anyway when I didn't feel happy, comfortable or totally included before, I think this has just helped me realise that.
| Cutting off nose to spite my face, or self preservation? |
So here is my problem, I don't want to exile myself for no good reason and then wonder why Dorothy is my only remaining friend at my college. But college is coming to an end and I already have a pretty clear idea on who will still be in my life when we all go our separate ways, the group is already greatly reduced. Which makes me wonder if this is just the beginning of that natural change process, all I am doing is accelerating the inevitable right?
Don't you feel that your cutting off your nose to spite your face? What will you achieve? I totally agree but it does just feel like there is nothing left for me in our group and frankly I don't think they are bothered either way so aren't I just saving everyone a job and an awkward conversation? You're surrounded by great people, it would be a waste of time to isolate yourself, to stop 'akwardness'. I really think you should give this decision time, I'm sure when the first flush of excitement calms down it will all be more manageable to be around.
Daphne and Dorothy
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