How Moving To Uni is Treating Me.

This is the most accurate comparison I can make when people ask 'how's packing going?' . 

Natural Change or Self Exile? Some Concerns I Have - Daphne

Being part of a tight knit girl group is never easy, it has its own social politics, hierarchy and idiosyncrasies. Last year both Dorothy and I went on the 'group holiday' and it was an excellent time, there were some admittedly low points but we look back on them with mostly humour now. This summer (as I have previously mentioned) I intend on travelling a little sometimes with friends, meeting up with old friends and sometimes alone. This doesn't concern me in the slightest but it means that I have already made my plans and can't really gallivant off on a girls' holiday as well. Who has that kind of cash? Mate, we don't have to pay for the apartment, just the flights, if we had to go full out, I would be in the same boat.? Want to spend the whole summer away so can't afford flights from where I'm going to be to Tenerife then back, or vice versa ...

I've been feeling a bit distanced from my group for a while after various incidents, and really have my own circles of friends out side of this group so it hasn't been the worst thing in the world. Sometimes I do think it is just natural change and that we are growing apart, or that we all have different priorities. I have been going out for a while now and for them it is still relatively new and seems to be way more of a make or break kind of thing, whereas I'm at a more take the nights as they come kind of point. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I am the only girl not going on 'THE HOLIDAY' and if what I remember from last year is correct it is going to be unbearable to spend any time at all with 'the group' from now until June. Basically if I don't want to listen to them plan constantly I am just going to have to live a life of isolation and loneliness.  This is out of choice I might add. It may sound like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face and in many ways I probably am, but quite often I feel like they don't want or need me around and I am closer to other people that I don't need to constantly look to for validation/feel comfortable being my total self around.

I disagree, sure, it might be painful that your're not going on the holiday, however, last year other members of the group didn't go on the holiday, and they didn't feel the need to distance themselves. We've only just started planning it, of course it's going to be talked about, it's inevitable. And it annoyed the shit out of them?! What is the point anyway when I didn't feel happy, comfortable or totally included before, I think this has just helped me realise that. 

Cutting off nose to spite my face, or self preservation?

So here is my problem, I don't want to exile myself for no good reason and then wonder why Dorothy is my only remaining friend at my college. But college is coming to an end and I already have a pretty clear idea on who will still be in my life when we all go our separate ways, the group is already greatly reduced. Which makes me wonder if this is just the beginning of that natural change process, all I am doing is accelerating the inevitable right?

Don't you feel that your cutting off your nose to spite your face? What will you achieve? I totally agree but it does just feel like there is nothing left for me in our group and frankly I don't think they are bothered either way so aren't I just saving everyone a job and an awkward conversation? You're surrounded by great people, it would be a waste of time to isolate yourself, to stop 'akwardness'. I really think you should give this decision time, I'm sure when the first flush of excitement calms down it will all be more manageable to be around.

Daphne and Dorothy

The Magic of (Friend) Love

Illustration by yumi sakugawa
Philia (pron.: /ˈfɪljə/ or /ˈfɪliə/) is one of the four ancient Greek words for love

So as Valentines day is coming up, we thought that we would celebrate Friend-Love! Especially since Dorothy is the friend-love of my life, my better half some would say. Aww, that's so sweet!

So we've all had those moments when you meet someone new, and within a few times of meeting you start to look forward to seeing the again, to sharing and laughing with them. To learning all their shameful secrets and having private jokes. Yet it isn't in a romantic sense. These people are those who you don't really have a romantic attachment to, yet you could in a sense say that you 'love' them. And their doesn't need to be that 'moment' for you to say it as there in romantic relationships, it's a kind of trusting and understanding love. Just knowing that this person won't judge you when you have eight pizza boxes under your bed or that you listen to Celine Dion on repeat and act out scenes from The Titanic with your cat. Perhaps this is where the 'Bros before Hoes' thing comes in, you can perhaps find another person that you fancy, but it's harder to find someone that you enjoy the company of purely. 



Classic Bromance.

I would say at the 'first level' of friendship is the  in the moment friendships', the people that you tend to bump into all the time at the pub and go on wees together. Love a good team wee. However, these friends may also part—in this case if they no longer enjoy the shared activity, or can no longer participate in it together. Such as when you both get a control over your respective bladders/ gain the confidence to wee solo (a harrowing task for any young lady).

The next level Friendships 'of the good' are ones where both friends enjoy each other's characters. As long as both friends keep similar characters, the relationship will endure since the motive behind it is care for the friend. This is the highest level of philia, and in modern English might be called true friendship. Unlike in romantic relationships the passion ending often causes the end of relationships, yet to end a friendships the actual character of a person must be altered. Perhaps this is why the only reason I've every stopped being friend with a person is if 'they have changed'. I do find that sometimes you grow together as friends though, changing together actually has the opposite effect and makes your friendships stronger because you can endure and evolve. Some friends I don't have to be in contact with constantly to know that nothing has changed between us as friends, I regard this as an enduring friendship. 

Lewis describes Friendship as, "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary of our Loves" - our species does not need Friendship in order to reproduce. He uses this point to explain that Friendship is exceedingly profound because it is freely chosen. In other words you should be honoured to be my friend (or anyone else's for that matter)!

Lewis explains that true friendships,  is almost a lost art. He expresses a strong distaste for the way that modern society ignores friendship. But perhaps this has changed, arguably 'The Hangover' is all about friendship, and less about the romantic love that causes the hilarity, and so is 'Bridesmaids', although both films centre around a wedding the story is a 'Bromance'. Lewis goes on to say, "to the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it". Can I just say that I would definitely go all Thelma and Louise for a good friend in a way I never would for someone I fancied, romantic love is the fodder of drama but friendship is the makings of comedy. 

Perhaps this is why the whole 'Friend-zone' thing exists. People seem to think sometimes that friendships is nothing worthy, when in fact it really really is. Friendship is the bread to life's butter, without friendship life is kind of a purposeless slippery substance, no one to share all those excellent moments with; the treacle sponge to life's custard, something that gives substance to what could be potentially an excellent desert. What I am trying to say with my confusing use of metaphor is that the friend-zone is actually a rather excellent zone, friendships endure and are the makings of something almost entirely selfless.

Dorothy and Daphne